so I'll be on my way
by karin112
Summary: this is a songfic and my frist story.   summary kanda's life before his eyes    this is au and try not to flame until you read the a/n


this story was just made for history class and the characters dont really match up with their personality but hopeful its good and i kind of rushed it

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><p><strong>Call me – Shinedown<strong>

**Wrap me in a bolt of lightning**

**Send me on my way still smiling**

**Maybe that's the way I should go**

**Straight into the mouth of the unknown**

Bullets ascend down onto me, embedding my body. I feel like I've been struck by lightning, wrapping me in a world of pain. A surge of pain went through me, it hurt so much, but I don't scream but smile instead. Smiling because I can feel my blood trailing down my body and onto the floor surrounding me like a pool of rose petal, signaling that soon it is finally my time to go. Maybe this is the way I should go straight into the abyss we call death.

'Didn't think this would happen, when we joked about this right Ellen, the way we would go' I bitterly laughed at the memory but it didn't come out as a laugh but a bloody cough. Falling to the ground, I couldn't feel a thing; I guess my body has gone numb. I look around, looking for him making sure that he stays down but I couldn't see him or anything for that matter, my vision is gone.

'Good bye my cruel personal nightmare I call life' I thought as I close my eye, barely conscious as I recall my life.

I left the spare key on the table

Never really thought that I'll be able

To say I merely visit on the weekends

I lost my whole life and a dear friend

_I entered the house of my best friend, Alma karma. It was night time around one o'clock; it was dark outside and inside, indicating that Alma was sleeping; It is better for him to be sleeping, I don't want him to be in this mess I put myself in. I pulled out the note I hid inside my jacket saying:_

Hey Alma,

This is Kanda, just saying that you're my best friend and you will always be.

I'm sorry but I'm going to be leaving

Don't try to look for me cuz you're not going to find me.

Again you're my best friend

Goodbye

Kanda, Yuu

P.S. don't tell anyone about me it's for your own good and you should burn this later too just saying, so I'll be on my way

_After proof reading, I put the note down on his kitchen table along with his spare key he gave me._

_I walked over to the front door silently, so that he wouldn't be woken. I look around one more time in the room. I looked at everything from the 60 inch flat screen TV. to the broken coffee table, I burned the image in my mind as if it was the last time I would see it. Then I left closing the door and walked on the sidewalk, looking at the star filled night sky._

_A week later I came back, because I never really thought that I'll be able to never see it again. But when I came back all I saw was burned ground nothing indicating that there was a house there before. That burned ground should be were Alma's house should be. I walked toward it not believing that that's Alma's house. Suddenly, as if I was seeing the world for the first time, a flapper (1) girl was walking by, probably just going to the joint stationed a few blocks behind me. "Hey you there" I said calling out to her_

_She looked around for a bit and then pointed to herself, and said to me "who me?"_

_I walked up to her, "yeah, you, do you by any chance know what happened there" I said, pointing to the burned area._

_Her eyes followed my hand gazed at the view. She thought for a while, I could tell because she had that thinking face, the one with the raised eyebrow, plus she had her hand prompted on her chin. Suddenly it disappears, and in place of it was a look you get when you just had a bright idea. "Oh" she said "yeah, that house burned down like maybe 6 days ago. It was such a pity, that boy who lived here died; it was last at night as you see. People say it was accident but personally I think it was a bump off(2)…"_

_She kept talking but I stopped listening after I heard someone died and something about it being a bump off. He can't be died; he wasn't in my world, my world of crimes. A realization hit me like a brick; I was the responsible for his death. 'no, it can't be true' I thought, look for a way to prove it false.' Yes yeah, I don't know who died yet it might be Alma, please let it not be Alma' I pleaded as I asked the flapper "who died?" interrupting her from her speech._

"_Let's see" she said looking like she was in deep thought. "I remember he was a sheik(3), one look at him and any girl would have a crush on him, though I can tell that he wouldn't go for some dumb Dora(4) like most of those girl were. Oh yes "she remembers I really thought that a light bulb turned on, when she said that "his name was Alma Karma" she paused as if she was waiting for a reaction from me, but I didn't give her the satisfaction._

_I put on my expressionless face, a face that I had much time perfecting as a torpedo(5). "I see, well thank you, for the information, I appreciate it." I said._

_She put on a disappointed face, but it disappeared in its stead was a smile, and not a fake smile as far as I could see, but a genuine smile. _

"_Of course, you're welcome. Well anyway I have to go but if you want you can call me anytime if you have any more questions, maybe get some giggle water(6) sometime" she handed me a card with her phone number on it._

_I see she's just one of those dumb Dora, a typical flapper girl. I sigh as I thought that she might have been different, what was I thinking._

_As though reading my thought she said "by the way I'm not just some dumb Dora or a flapper, I'm just a tomboy that needs to make a living, but I'm not a prostitute. The only reason I offer you giggle water is because it looked like you need it, you looked like you were in grief. That's the only reason why ok so don't get any ideas I'm not like that" She paused as if she was debating about something, then it disappear as she continued speaking "ok so my name is Ellen walker, call me up if you ever need something" she walked away, raising her hand to wave at me, though she didn't look back at me._

_I thought about what she said from my friend's death to her giving me her number, which the card is still in my hand. Then I dawned on me I lost my best friend and the only thing that connect me from my past life. I lost it, I lost my life and my best friend and everything was my fault._

**I've said it so many times**

**I would change my ways**

**No, nevermind**

**God knows I've tried**

_I left, I walked around town, saw everything from a drugstore cowboy(7) trying to pick up a flapper, to a big cheese(8) pulling one of his torpedo to an alley, 'probably giving him this new target' I thought. As I looked around I thought to myself 'I need to change my ways, I would change them' and I give it some thought._

_I've said it so many times and each time I said it, I didn't follow through and when I did I lost my friend I can have that anymore. 'Nevermind' I sighed, god knows I've already tried._

**Call me a sinner, call me a saint**

**Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same**

**Call me your favorite, call me the worst**

**Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt**

**It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way**

_I returned to the headquarters, where I would probably get my new assignment as a torpedo._

_As I enter, everyone looked at me. The hard boiled(9) guys just raised their head and looked at the door look at whoever entered then went back to whatever they were doing. There were some girls that looked spiffy(10) but I knew that they were just another moll(11), I mean no one here is good, and all did some crime that would be punishable by death. Well, not really the girls, they were more like a despicable lounge lizard(12) but only a girl instead of a guy. I walk pass them, walking straight into the big cheese's office._

_As I came in, he was sitting in a chair behind his desk looking over paper. When he heard the door open he looked up, seeing me, he smirked an evil one at that._

"_So there you are kanda I was looking for you, here's your new assignment" he said as he tossed a file on his desk. I walked over and picked it up. _

"_What you need to do is get that girl stuck on(make her love you) you and have her spill all the speakeasy(13) location" he said going back to whatever he was reading._

"_Of course sir" I said as I turn around and leave._

_Before I closed the door I heard him shout at me "thank kanda you're a saint" than I closed the door. Really, a saint I call myself more like a sinner._

_As I walked out of the base, I opened the file folder. I was surprised at what it showed me_

_It said:_

_Name: Ellen Walker_

_Age: 16_

_Appearance: short boy-cut white hair (natural)_

_Scar on left part of face from forehead to mouth_

_ Scar looks like an upside down star and a line going down_

_ Red arm (said to have been burned)_

_Height: 174 cm (5'8 1/2")_

_Weight: 56 kg (123 lbs.)_

_Job: hoofer(14)_

_Family: Mana Walker – adopted father - deceased_

_ Neah Walker – adopted uncle – deceased_

_Objective: get her to talk about the locations of all speakeasies_

'_Horsefeathers(15), it her' I thought as look over the information. Lucky I have her card so I can call her. I called her. I'm going to meet her at her job place at the joint called innocence later tonight._

_Just by talking to her on the phone makes my stomach have butterflies. I can't be falling for my target can I, no I can't I'm a torpedo I'm not suppose to have any feeling at all. "Urgh" I growl, I need to get this over with before this crush of mine become more then a crush. "Please tell me it's be over, and hopefully my feeling for her will be the same." I pleaded to god, not that I believed him of course but I was desperate_

_During the date we talked about many things, like the joint we're in, the movies Valentino, in which she said that I looked like one of them a sheik. We talked about many things, even one that was a bit morbid._

_She said "so if you we're to die how do you think you would die?"_

_I thought about it for a while then said "I'll probably die with bullets in my body, fired by some torpedo ordered to kill me"_

_After I said that, I stared at her face, waiting for some horrid expression to appear. But I was stunned it wasn't a kind of expression I would have thought would appear on she face, instead of a horrid expression it was a happy one._

_She smiled "really, if you really see it that way I guessing your line of work is one that should not be mentioned"_

_Still shock I nodded, not trusting my voice for a minute. After a while my shocked episode faded and in its place was a episode of curiosity. So I asked "why do you have such an happy face when you have your answer"_

_She said without even a pause, as if she was waiting for me to ask that precise question "I was happy because you didn't lie and answered true fully, I'm not happy that you are in a career that can get you kick within a minute but my happiness overpowered that thought and that's why I have such a happy expression"._

_After that conversation we moved backed to more happy conversations. She called me her favorite and also the worst during this time but I realized I didn't care as long as she was happy and smiling. Now I really wished that this was over because I don't want her to hurt. During the duration of our date I got the information I need, I knew where all the speakeasies are now. The date ended and we both had a great time. By the end she confessed to me that she loved me more than a friend and personally I loved her too. I said "I can't, even though I love you too I can't. You're not in my world and I'm not going to get you mixed up in it._

_Even though I said that we had more date and we became a couple. But I knew it had to end somehow, the end came when my boss, the "big cheese"- I only call him that because he didn't give us any other name to call him by- called me and asked how was the mission going. I said to him that it's over and I will be going to the base soon. I met up with Ellen one more time I told her that I loved her and don't want to hurt her so I'm going a path that she can't follow. I remember the last thing I ever said to her was "so I'll be on my way"_

**I finally put it all together,**

**But nothing really lasts forever**

**I had to make a choice that was not mine,**

**I had to say goodbye for the last time**

**I kept my whole life in suitcase,**

**Never really stayed in one place**

**Maybe that's the way it should be,**

**You know I live my life like a gypsy**

_I was thinking of ways to keep her, as I walk to the base. But I finally put it all together, nothing really last forever when I was given my new assignment by the big cheese. My new assignment was the assassination of Ellen walker. I protested saying that it would blow my cover as a torpedo, people know I spend a lot of time with her and they'll get suspicious when I don't go to her funeral. He agreed so instead he gave me some time off to disappear. I took it._

_I said good bye to her for a last time from a far, I can't be seen close to her anymore. I didn't need to pack a lot, because I kept my whole life in a suitcase now a days, I don't have a home to go back to anymore. Maybe it should be this was I did live my life like a gypsy; why not continue living like one._

**I've said it so many times**

**I would change my ways**

**No, nevermind**

**God knows I've tried**

_So I disappeared, I know, I hope that she would still be alive but that was blind hope for the next time I look for her she was gone, I knew that someone else assassinated her. I cried for the first time in a long time, I didn't even cry when my best friend died. I said to myself that I would change my ways while I disappeared. But now I knew that it was utterly pointless to change it now, god knows I've tried, and it ended up here._

**Call me a sinner, call me a saint**

**Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same**

**Call me your favorite, call me the worst**

**Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt**

**It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way**

_I went to the grave of my best friend. As I looked that the other gravestone I saw her name right beside it "Ellen walker-karma". Shocked at the new information that presented itself to me, I cried again. 'Damn applesauce, I killed them both my family and each other's family. What am I? The soul ripper, the one who takes the lives of others without a care for what their loved one feel. No, I'm not the soul ripper but I'm damn close to it, I'm a failed torpedo, I let my emotions get the best of me. I suddenly remember their favorite song, surprisingly enough it was the same, and their favorite line were the same too_

'_Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
>Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same<br>Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
>Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt<br>It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way'_

_I compare that to me and my life. It's all the same but their ending was unloved by me and was full of hurt, because I was a coward thinking that it was better for them if I were gone. I promised to them, I'm not going to change my ways but make up for the wrong I have done. The last thing I said before there grave was "it's all that I can say. So I'll be on my way". I turned around and walked away, and with each step I took my determination to make thing right grew._

**I'll always keep you inside, you healed my**

**Heart and my life... And you know I try.**

_As I walked into my boss' office I thought to myself 'I'll always keep you inside, you healed my  
>Heart and my life... And you know I try.'<em>

"_Hey big cheese can you come with me for a second?" I said with a big fake smirk that I knew he would like._

"_Sure, hold up let me just get my cheaters(16)" he said reaching for is cheaters on the desk then stood up._

"_So where we headed" he said as we exited his office and entered the lounge where everyone is._

"_Oh just here I just needed to tell you something in front of the other, don't worry its nothing bad." I said cheerful, though I really hated it._

_As we walked to the middle I can hear saying the big cheese is the bee's knees, cake-eater(17) and the sheik of all time. I chuckled when one of the girls said "I wonder if he was a lounge lizard and if he would go to the struggle buggy with me and have a whoopee."_

_I thought to myself 'sorry girl but soon even he won't be alive for that to happen useless you are into necrophilia'. We stopped in the middle._

"_So kanda, what is it that you wanted to tell me in front of the others." He said standing ten feet away from me._

_I said as I pulled the gun out and aimed it at his chest; to be precise is heart "just going to tell you to go to hell"_

_I waited for everyone to get over the shock. I said before they had the chance to shoot "don't even if you even try your big cheese here is died"_

_They still had their guns up but did not shoot. So I shot him instead. I said as he goes down to the floor covering the floor with a pool of blood "I guess you and I will be on our way" _

**So, I'll be on my way**

I laugh as I think 'so it's really true the your life flashes before your eyes the moment you die'. I can barely hear my thoughts anymore. In a second or two I'll be died

**So, I'll be on my way**

I close my eyes and smile for the last time

'So I'll be on my way'. My last thought was of my friend and crush turned into lover.

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><p>that word are 1920 slang<p>

(1) flapper - A stylish, brash, hedonistic young woman with short skirts & shorter hair

(2) bump off - To murder,To kill

(3) sheik - A man with sex appeal (from the Valentino movies)

(4) dumb dora - a stupid female

(5) torpedo - A hired gun

(6) giggle water - An intoxicating beverage; alcohol

(7) drugstore cowboy - a guy that hangs around on a street corner trying to pick up girls

(8) spiffy - An elegant appearance

(9) moll - A gangster's girl

(10) lounge lizard - a guy that is sexually active

(11) speakeasy - An illicit bar selling bootleg liquor

(12) hoofer - Dancer

(14) horsefeathers - an expletive, like holy crap or something

(15) cheaters - Eyeglasses

(16) cake-eaters - lady's man

try not to flame cuz i really didnt think of the character personality as much of there relationship ( in my mind allenx kanda and friendship of alma nd kand)


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